Back in December I shared the article, linked on this site, and have just started the book: A Nation Of Wimps. I'm reading this with three points of view, that all blur together: As a parent, as an educator, and as a citizen. I have often wondered about the recent generations that we are raising. Of course technology is exposing them to a way of life that none of us really can comprehend or understand. But another force is at work and that can be summed up as our society's efforts to attempt to protect our children from all possible harm. My own anecdotal experiences as an educator are backed up by the research. James Fay - the founder of Love and Logic surveyed 1700 teachers about the most difficult aspect of teaching today. The one thing they cited (BTW this after our last decade of school violence) was parents who would not allow the kids to learn about the world in real ways. I have seen this, and have organized these individual confrontations/discussions as conundrums.
1. Parents want a rigorous education, as long as their student receives good grades and homework does not interfere with a myriad of extracurricular activities.
2. Parents want a welcoming environment, that at the same time ensures structure and safety.
3. Parents want a disciplined school environment, as long as their child does not suffer negative consequences.
The school has become an environment of confrontation. The sad fact is that in 99% of our confrontations we have the same goal - the well being of the student. Parents are protecting their children, educators are trying to develop the trait of self-reliance. Thus Altona Middle School change our school's mission.
Altona Middle School’s Mission: Altona Middle School is a place where each individual student will create their own opportunities through Core, Enrichment, and Extracurricular achievement! Educators, parents and students have an equal responsibility to prepare every Altona student to be self-reliant and academically competent so they are able to thrive in an increasingly complex world. Altona Middle School’s Mission:Altona Middle School is a place where each individual student will create their own opportunities through Core, Enrichment, and Extracurricular achievement! Educators, parents and students have an equal responsibility to prepare every Altona student to be self-reliant and academically competent so they are able to thrive in an increasingly complex world.
Chapter One; Hothouse Parenting articulated what I've believed for some time. And, truth be told - I'm guilty of some of it as a parent myself.
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3 comments:
I’m interested in reading this book. I know too many parents who are deeply and profoundly disappointed in their teen or adult children’s behavior. Oftentimes there is a connection between how the children were parented and how they are now acting.
Some parents try hard to ensure their children’s success by making decisions for their children and running interference for them. However, this leads to children who lack confidence in their own decision making capabilities and their ability to deal with the consequences of their decisions. If we want children to learn the skills they need to be independent and self-sufficient, then we must allow them to make their own decisions and deal with whatever consequences result. This can be scary. Parenting like this isn’t for wimps!
An aside...
My family went to Sunset Pool this weekend. I was sad to see the high diving board had been removed. We speculated with friends that it was removed to avoid liability risk.
I asked, partly but only partly in jest, what do our kids lose when they don't have to face up to the fear of climbing the ladder to the high dive, walking to the edge of the plank, and eventually taking their first plunge from 10 feet? Is there a ripple effect? Does facing up to and overcoming the fear of going off the high dive have benefits beyond taking a plunge?
I admit I don't know but it seems possible.
My uncle asked me what my parents did in raising us (8 of us) that caused us to be successful and happy adults. After much thinking I replied that my parents let us fail. My uncle's kids were repeatedly bailed out of their mistakes while my parents sat back and watched us suffer the consequences. There is not just one answer to successful parenting, but this is certainly a lesson I've learned from my parents that I incorporate into my own parenting. We can't, and shouldn't, protect our children from everything, even themselves. Our children need to learn to do the right thing, even if it's painful for us as parents to watch.
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